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Mean Girls Essay

1438 words - 6 pages


Regina George is an evil dictator. Now, how do you overthrow a dictator? You cut off her resources. Regina would be nothing without her high-status man candy...technically good physique...and ignorant band of loyal followers. Now, Cady, if we want this to work, you are gonna have to keep hanging out with them like nothing is wrong. Can you do it?

I can do it.

OK, let's rock this b****.

Pretending like nothing was wrong turned out to be surprisingly easy.

Regina wanted me to tell you that she was trying to hook you up with Aaron, but he was just interested in getting her back. And that's not ...view middle of the document...

It's been a month, and all we've done is make Regina's face smell like a foot.

I've been really busy with choir.

We gotta crack Gretchen Wieners. We crack Gretchen, and then we crack the lock on Regina's whole dirty history.

Say "crack" again.

Crack. All right, let's reconvene tonight.

I can't. I have to go to Regina's to practice for the talent show. We're doing a dance to this song...

"Jingle Bell Rock."

You guys know that song?

Everybody in the English-speaking world knows that song.

They do it every year.

Well, I have to learn it.

(to Janis) Go.

(to Regina) Hey.

Why were you talking to Janis Ian?

I don't know, I mean, she's so weird. She just, you know, came up to me and started talking to me about crack. She's so pathetic.

Let me tell you something about Janis Ian. We were best friends in middle school. I know, right? It's so embarrassing. I don't even... Whatever. So then in eighth grade, I started going out with my first boyfriend, Kyle, who was totally gorgeous, but then he moved to Indiana. And Janis was, like, weirdly jealous of him. Like, if I would blow her off to hang out with Kyle, she'd be like, "Why didn't you call me back?" And I'd be like, "Why are you so obsessed with me?" So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-girls pool party, I was like, "Janis, I can't invite you, because I think you're a lesbian." I mean, I couldn't have a lesbian at my party. There are gonna be girls there in their bathing suits. I mean, right? She was a lesbian. So then her mom called my mom and started yelling at her. It was so retarded. And then she dropped out of school because no one would talk to her. When she came back in the fall for high school, all of her hair was cut off and she was totally weird, and now I guess she's on crack.

Oh, my God! I love your skirt. Where did you get it?

It was my mom's in the '80s.

Vintage. So adorable.


That is the ugliest F-ing skirt I've ever seen.

(flashback) Oh, my God, I love your bracelet. Where did you get it?

So are you gonna send any candy canes?

No. I don't send them, I just get them. So you better send me one, byotch. Love ya.

I was definitely sending her one. I was gonna use three candy canes to crack Gretchen Wieners.

Three, please.

"Why, Man, he doth bestride the narrow world like a colossus" might translate into "Why is he so huge and obnoxious?"

Candy cane-grams!

OK, hurry up.

Taylor Zimmerman? Two for you. Glenn Coco? Four for you, Glenn Coco. You go, Glenn Coco. And Caddy Heron. Do we have a Caddy Heron here?

It's Cady.

Oh, Cady, here you go. One for you. And none for Gretchen Wieners. Bye.

Who's that from?

"Thanks for being such a great friend....

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